She had asked me in one of our video chats whether I would think about going to stay in Kharkiv, with her in the apartment. Naturally how our future might develop was in both our minds now having, as it were, passed first base. I wanted her in England and had, in fact, set about a massive clear out and clean up at home in Astcote. I was preparing for her to come and moved loads and loads of boxes to Milton Keynes. Sue said I had to clear out the garage as she had some new guy with a TVR and needed more space there. So I moved all the stuff from her garage to my house and whittled down quite severely what was in the boxes. Then took several car loads down to Milton Keynes so I could have some space here at least.
I was concerned, though, that Inna would just not find my place big or smart enough. I talked with Andy Groom, who lived a few doors up here in Astcote, and he said that I might be able to rent a house that he had next to his. That made things look much more feasible. It looked a nice, more mdern place and, with two bedrooms and more modern furnishing and equipment, it might well do for the time being. So getting her to come to England was a possiblity now, if she would start the visa process, which she still seemed to object to.
In an early conversation about my going to Kharkiv I had been caught slightly off guard. I had not been expecting her to offer to have me there at all! Much as though her apartment was big and well-equipped, the thought of my living there was not a pleasant one. I would not have a clue as to what to do with the day while she was working, nor could I easily get to any shops which were at some distance away. However, I didn't want to appear rude or ungrateful so I, quite quickly, said that I would be prepared to consider living there! I knew this was dangerous ground though, and needed to avoid getting caught with that as a firm commitment I would need to try and get out of later.
I added that I needed to be here for family birthdays and to collect my prescription from time to time so a better idea would be for me to come out spend a few weeks there and then return for a few weeks. Basically I might spend two weeks there and two weeks here - but really would prefer her to come and live in England or, at least somewhere else, maybe Gozo, once she's seen the place she might love it. England too. Inna's reaction was not good. She called me a Sex Tourist! That was the second major misunderstanding that we had. It seemed so unfair. She banged on a lot about how marvellous 'the children' (Sergei and Yassa) were and how often she needed to see or talk with them. So when I suggested that I would need to do the same it was not as acceptable in her mind. Never mind the inconvenience of business, with Ukraine's less than brilliant postal service and my need for monthly prescriptions. It was really obvious that there was no way I could live there. My suggestion was nothing like Sex Tourism, although, now I think about it I can see the way she was thinking. I would just go out and get what I needed for a couple of weeks and then return to top it up every so often. Nonsense really. I was quite annoyed and offended. She just didn't see the decent side of what I was saying. Anyway, if I was neither lve there permanently nor visit every few weeks then I needn't worry about that any more after all. If we were going to live together then it would have to be in the UK, Gozo or, maybe, and probably not a starter, really, The Netherlands where we both had connections.
Despite these occasional arguments we continued to chat most nights. It was becoming a little too much sometime, I felt. I mean I was pleased to see her but the pressure to make myself free every night at around 9 or 10pm was quite a lot. i missed lots of TV shows and had to watch them on my recordings afterwards so I usually hit the sack very late most nights.
Our chats were always quite light and she often just wanted English lessons but batted her eyelashes and reminded me of our success in bed just enough to keep me on the line.
In November I arranged for her to fly to Malta and we would have Derek's place to ourselves as he had moved out but the rent was paid for a bit longer. He also said I could use his Citroen C1 as he now had a Renault estate. Things were looking very good.
Derek was going to be in Malta with his wife and another friend on the day I would arrive. I would get there in the morning and Inna in the evening. derek said he would pick me up and I could join them at one of those Escape Rooms that were springing up all over the place these days. In fact, Inna had taken me to one with Ekaterina and her husband in Kharkiv so it was familiar stuff. I was not too bothered about that but went along as I needed him to help with the transport. He had also kindly booked us in at a smart hotel which was not far from the ferry. So, rather than having to rush off to Gozo as soon as she landed, we could have a relaxing evening at the hotel and set off in the morning.
That worked for me and took the pressure off what could have been complicated car movements too. So Derek took me back to the airport and I waited for Inna to appear. We had been a bit late but I was pretty sure I was there early enough to see her emerging from Arrivals. Somehow I missed her, though, and she sent me a message to say she was outside! She came back in and I immediately looked at her face and thought how old she looked. I know it's unfair to write like this but it was my first impression. She was showing her older side again. Maybe my expression had given my thoughts away, I don't know, but she told me I looked scared and should relax too!! I tried to give her a hug. I mean, I was still delighted she was there and very much remembering the last time we were as close and the fact that we would be next to each other in bed again quite soon. I wanted to hold her close and be a bit romantic. Forget it. Not for her. I began to wonder just whether this was the woman I'd spent some most enjoyable nights with a little while previously and been speaking to every night since. As we went outside she complained that it was too hot and I should have warned her. I was beginning to wonder what my friends, who would be watching us and no doubt our expressions would make of her. She really did not look that great and cannot have come across well as the new lady in Andrew's life at all. Oh well, I thought. let's hope things get better once we're on our own.
That was going to be some time away yet. though. Derek took us to Valetta where, yes, there would be much walking. I suggested we might not need to walk too far but I was surrounded by two gym freaks and Inna who seemed more keen to walk than sit with me. We walked and walked and eventually found a bar. Hooray! I was hungry and needed that drink! Maybe Inna would loosen up a bit now. Conversation was odd to say the least. Derek made no attempt to speak slowly and the three friends spoke largely amongst themselves sort of ignoring us or talking to me but not her in a way that made it easy for her to join in. Eventually I was just chatting with Inna myself and starting to relax a bit with her. She didn't seem to be in any hurry, though, to get to the hotel and so it was quite late when we did, eventually arrive and Derek dropped us off. He had earlier left his Citroen in the hotel car park for me to use in the morning.
In fact, I had decided that one night would be too short there and that Inna would appreciate an extra night of five star luxury. She loved swimming and there was a pool there she could use at night and it would take the pressure off us as we toured a few places nearby on Malta before heading to Gozo the following day. I was hoping she would be really pleased with this surprise but she didn't seem to react much at all. That was a bit disappointing, I must say.
In fact the whole time at that hotel was disappointing at first. I was expecting her to be full of passionate desire once we were on our own in this lovely room in the beautiful surroundings of a Malta night, warm and interesting. But no. Nothing happened. For details, read the XXX post.
I never really understood her completely that night but she had not liked my attempt to welcome her much. And I wondered whether my expression had, after all, conveyed my initial disappointment at her appearance.
In fact, she said that she had thought about going back after our first night there. I never did discover why. And things did return to normal after all in the morning, almost without warning. Just like that. I had tried to get across to her just how excited I was to be with her again, how I had made great effort to plan the nice accommodation and how Derek had helped with everything to try and it 'just right'. And, of course, I remembered what we had done before and wanted to do the same thing again. She should be delighted that I felt that way, not upset or somehow offended. It was weird but she did get the point and I got a sort of apology and we finally made love before heading out to see Malta.
So that seems to have been a near miss and another strange misunderstanding or division of the ways we thought of each other. We came together again but I was unnerved by that.
Slowly things improved and it was great to get to Gozo and the apartment. I was glad to be driving too! I could show her some skills as the roads were crazy! It took her a while but she did have to admit that she enjoyed my driving. Compliments don't come easy from Inna, it seems.
She had so much luggage it was ridiculous. In fact, we couldn't get her suitcase up to the penthouse! There were, of course, several other bedrooms free so she used on of these for a dressing room. The clothes she brought were unbelievable and then there were beauty products, shampoos and hair dryers and goodness knows what else. This was not a girl who traveled light. She reminded me of some old Duchess who would have a massive trunk carried by servants. Not my style but I sort of closed my eyes and didn't think too much about it. I was pleased to have her there, at last.
Our time on Gozo, however, was wonderful. It's like Inna changed and became, for much of the time, the nice younger girl I had initially fallen in love with. I think she could see a life there and it might have appealed to her. She did quite a lot of swimming which she enjoyed. There was also plenty of walking but nowhere was very far away so I had no troubles! I think she began to respect me a little more too.
You'll need to read the XXX post for a bit more background of what went well and what went not so well while we were there. Generally, it was a great holiday and I have good memories. If I could find somewhere to live there then there might well be a chance that she would join me there
Inna returned to Kharkiv and I returned to Astcote. We chatted the next night on Hangouts and she had been more than impressed with the whole Gozo scene and my Sex God prowess! I felt pretty good, I have to admit that it's not every day you get such praise!! I said that she should think about getting a UK visa now but she just said that she wanted a castle in Gozo.
We arranged our next meeting for 28 December in Den Haag. She said that I could stay at her son's house there. I guessed that sleeping together there might not be a simple matter and so arranged that we would also spent time at Russell's and i also booked a hotel some distance further north so we could have time as just the two of us. Whilst she was grateful for my helping her with the arrangements and buying her tickets to get to Holland, I detected the first shimmer of unfairness when she seemed to think that we would spend time at her son's place and only make a passing visit to my son. I ignored that and pressed on with my own fair plan of x days at each child's place and y days together. It looked pretty good on paper. I decided to drive over. I loved the idea of driving my car around there and the new navigation system I had was more than capable of helping me find my way around. The ferry was a bit more expensive than a simple flight would be but then I would have needed something to drive at the other side anyway. So my car was actually a good bet.
The journey was great and I arrived at the flat in excellent time. sergei and Yassa were lovely people and their apartment a smart place to stay. Inna was pleased to see me but there was not a great deal of passion or emotion. I guess she just didn't want to behave like a teenager in front of her 'children'. I was very disappointed, though, that she did not even spend any time with me in the room where I was to sleep. It would have been quite easy to enjoy some time there and then she could return to the sofa in the living room. But no. Instead she said I could come and wake her in the morning after the 'children' had gone to work.
As you can read in more intimate detail in the XXX post, the invitation to wake her in the morning didn't exactly work out as planned and, basically, most times I got rejected or complained about or both. I also learned that Inna spent the most amazingly long time getting ready in the morning. At least an hour, probably more and so much time spent on her hair and yet it never looked that different or worth s much effort. The whole affair was also noisy and excluded blokes like me. I reckon that over the many years she's spent alone she has simply not realised how annoying all the electrical gadgets and time-consuming applications can be.
As well as her rejection of many of my advances, I began to see an Inna that I didn't like. The snob side became very clear. Neither Sergei nor Yassa could do anything wrong, like ever. Everything they had was the best money could buy she would claim. Yes, they had some nice stuff but they didn't claim it to be special. Only the mother did as if to try to put them on a pedestal beyond any comparison. I liked both of them and they really did not show any of 'The Duchess' airs and graces. They had several bottles of very expensive brandy and portions of very expensive chocolate. Every meal that Sergei made was like some sort of chef's special edition. Money seemed to be no object. It was nice. They didn't push it all. It was just the way it was. They didn't have a car. No kids. Just a cat that was treated almost better than a child would have been treated! So they had plenty of spare income. Inna tended to want to show this off. I guess it was understandable but I did get tired of the constant crowing of how this or that cost s much and was so much better than something else. It all got a bit much and it showed in her face again.
The other thing I didn't like was how she displayed little affection for me and certainly no love. This was embodied in one comment that cause a major rift there shortly after I'd arrived. The fire was a real one with logs and looked lovely at one end of the room. I remarked how I would love to sit with her one day in front of a fire like that in a cottage in England. 'Well, maybe once a month,' she had said, quite bluntly. 'What do you mean?' I asked, quite shocked at her lack of enthusiasm for such a classic romantic scene, however impractical it might have been in our future. 'Surely you would love to do that?' She didn't and, if anything seemed to become even cooler about it. 'Come on,' I pleaded, 'surely you can see that this could be a lovely thing to do . . ?' She didn't move towards me at all. I was quite shocked at her cold attitude. So shocked that I over reacted and walked out of the room saying that if she couldn't see the nice side of what I was saying then . . . well I don't know what I could have finished with so I kind of tailed off. I walked out but as I reached the doorway I realised that this might not be a good idea and I turned and said 'No, I am not going to give in on this. You need to apologise or at least see that you seem to have ignored that I am trying to suggest something nice, that's all.' Now it was starting to tricky and a bit embarrassing for her. Yassa agreed that I had said something very nice and she should see it that way. I was almost shouting to say that I am not going to give up on this. I did not say anything that could be slightly construed as 'wrong' or 'undesirable'. How could she not see that spending nights in front of a nice log fire could be wonderful an romantic, something almost anyone would think was something to look forward to. You know, I never did resolve that. I have no idea what she misinterpreted or why she didn't give in but my reaction had certainly disturbed her and maybe caused more trouble for her tan the stupid remark about log fires did.
I said to Yassa later that evening that I reckoned that was the end of a beautiful relationship. Yassa told me not to worry and Sergei said that his mother could be difficult. I think, though, that I may have been right.
The other danger signals that happened there were when I said that I would like to see my son. We had been there for a couple of days and I reckoned that it was only right that I pop over and say hello to Russell. We were due to stay later - on the 1st January but that was a few days away still and it seemed crazy that I was there, just half an hours run away, and not seeing him. Inna didn't see this comparison at all. She had got to be with her son, that was all she really cared about, was the way it came across. So I decided to go and see him on my own if necessary but, in the end, everyone came with me and it was good to introduce everyone too. It was just a short visit but I was glad I'd done it. Afterwards I decided to leave Inna with her 'children' and go back to Russell on my own. I would return to collect her when we would head off to the hotel and spend a little time together with him later.
It was a good move. I had seen some features of Inna that I didn't like and that rift had opened too. I was beginning to have doubts about the future. This was not working out as it should.
Whilst we did have a good time together both at Russell's apartment and on the road heading round some interesting parts further north, I still had very mixed emotions forming. She would always joke about my not liking to walk and it bgan to get a bit annoying. On one occasion we went to a Japanese Garden at some distance from the apartment. It was a beautiful place and I did feel quite emotional as I can do in places of some beauty. However this wasn't that pretty really and I don't know why but when she said something again about walking I got genuinely upset and was almost crying. I really had had enough of her criticism. I had tried pretty hard to change and walked miles and miles with her but still she was not content to let it go. My emotion scared her though and, while she attempted to apologise, she did not react well to my sadness. Later on the same walk we were at a bridge and watching the water below. Now I can't recall how it came about but I was telling her about how Nimali had lost two babies and I started to break down myself. I was quite surprised and, to this day, I don't know why I was feeling so emotional. It was towards the end of our time there and maybe the sum total of the frustrations and arguments we had had were getting to me. Maybe I had realised that this was it, subconsciously, and it was affecting me in that way. I don't know but her reaction was to distance herself from me rather than show any understanding or comfort. She really did not know how to handle my emotions. That made it pretty clear to me that she may not actually have any herself of that type. She had never talked of love. It seemed that she enjoyed sex but only as a physical thing that I could provide when she wanted. there was no making love in her vocabulary.
The final straws were when I didn't take her shopping and the strange last sex that I have detailed in the XXX post. I had said that we should take a trip to the shops so I could buy her a Christmas present. However, the days had passed and we hadn't gone anywhere like that. I was not at all keen by then to do so. I had paid a lot for her ticket and I was starting to think that that was a pretty damn good present. She had also had a few things from me and a good holiday. I did not fancy long walks around stores and what would be quite substantial bills for classy goods with the right brand names at capital city prices. After all that had gone before, I was relieved, in fact, to have managed to avoid this. I told her I was sorry that it hadn't happened but no doubt there could be other occasions, although knowing in my heart there might well not be.
On the last day she went off with the two 'children' and I went to Russell's to collect some cream that she had left there.
I can now think of many occasions in Amsterdam and Den Haag when her actions were, quite simply, not something that I liked to see and I would not want my partner to do or believe was right to do. I must have realised that the relationship was over but it seems, like the fool I was, I didn't want her to be the one who ended it.
So the year ended on a succession of high and low notes. The highs would be the New Year's Eve celebrations on a beach at den Haag and a bottle of champagne and Inna by my side looking happy. Being with my son Russell and having a nice time with his family. One or two pleasant evenings with Inna in the northern parts. The lows I don't want to recall again.
Once again I resorted to potery when things go wrong and I wrote a quite accurate but aggressive one for her. It certainly made her think. In one of our last video calls she said it would end and it was not necessary to remind ourselves why. I think she was surprised at the thoughts I had expressed about her attitude in that poem and she requested another video call after she had seen it. Nothing changed but I did get a glimmer of her accepting that she had no emotion.
I now remember one of the bad photos I have of her - the one where she is wearing a silver necklace that I bought her in Victoria, Gozo. Her expression is one of possession and self- congratulation. The other I shall recall as and when necessary is her climbing from the sea at one of the beaches. She is in a black swimsuit and looks rather less than attractive. I had worked on an edited version in which I changed the swimsuit colour and removed many pounds from her thighs and stomach to make her look somewhat more pleasant should i wish to share the photo with friends in future. To be fair to her, I have also one or two in which she and I look very nice together and some of her on a beach on Gozo with her wool shawl wrapped around. She looked good then. We were doing well then.
So that year ended and so did the relationship with Inna Shevchenko. I shall remember her. I shall remember the good times and maybe, just maybe, she gave me the confidence to make one more effort to find someone. Someone to love.
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