The early morning panic continued. I did, in early February, finally get my DBS summary. That led to one agency turning me down but the one I had started with COBA, stayed with me and found me some work at a nice school in Brackley. It was pretty nerve-wracking on my first day but I got through it and both the staff and most of the pupils were really good. This was a school where the pupils mostly behaved well and my job was mostly just a matter of making sure they did some work and didn't cause trouble. Where I was in a class doing something I actually knew about then I quite enjoyed having a go at explaining stuff too. It was hard work but nothing like as hard as the work which real teachers would have had to do!
It seems that I got good reports from Magdelene College School in Brackley and Adrienne was able to place me there again on several days. I also had a couple of days at a school in Northampton which was not so good. It was not easy to get too in rush hour and, when I did get there, I had almost no support and found myself wandering pretty lost in a huge school campus there. I didn't go there again. A school in Roade, some distance again from the village, but easier to get to, was not too bad and I quite enjoyed going there a couple of times too.
What was not so good was the fact that I would not know until 7am whether I might be teaching so I would wake up and have to get dressed and vaguely ready just in case I got the call. To be honest, on most days I was relieved when there had been no call! The money was useful but it was stressful, for sure.
I had continued to write to Tanya quite regularly and had been trying to find a way in which we could meet again. We had not seen each other for over a year now and, although I had no desire to live in Russia, seeing a way in which she and Kristina could settle here was not easy either. Russia had taken back Crimea and was causing trouble in Ukraine over recent months and things were not looking good. Indeed, as the UN would be required to support Ukraine in the event of hostilities breaking out in a big way, Tanya and I could well find ourselves on opposite sides! I was not at all happy about the Russian action but she was pleased as she believed that the Crimea should always have been Russian territory, explaining how mistakes might have been made when the powers were dividing Europe after the war. She may have been right in that respect but I still argued that it was wrong to go off invading another country like that. Supposed polls that showed amazing support in the area for what the Russians were doing were of pretty dubious quality too.
Anyway, we didn't let these things trouble us too much in correspondence and, to a large extent, we avoided the topic in conversation. I searched around for a place where we might meet and settled on Prague in the Czech Republic. Flights there were not too expensive and I found a hotel near the centre of the city too which looked nice and comfortable. Reports I read seemed to indicate that Prague was an interesting place to visit and the food and drink was inexpensive too.
I arranged a trip in mid-March 2015. We would get about 5 days together. Something we both looked forward to.
A couple of weeks before then, however, I collapsed on a walk around the village. It was a sunny day, a chill in the air but nice sunshine and I had taken my usual route across the fields to Eastcote. As I walked through the village, though, I felt a lot more tired than usual. In fact, I remember thinking it was strange as I had come up the steep grass hill without any difficulty and here I was walking along a flat part and feeling very tired. I carried on and began to do what should have been even easier - the downhill road back from Eastcote to Astcote. It was far from easy, though, and I didn't feel too great. Some people passed me on the pavement and I pretended to look at something in the hedgerow as they passed as I was concerned about how I might appear. Now I think about it, that's seems odd as I can't have looked any different but never mind. I struggled down the hill and took a chance to rest at the bottom where I could lean on a bridge railing. I then needed to go up the hill and slowly made my way up. Near the top I could see a style across the road where I could sit down and rest again. I just made it there and I did think about calling Maggie or Graeme to come and pick me up. But the I told myself that was ridiculous as I was not that far from home and it was pretty much level all the way back now.
Even the small incline, though, from the style to the road junction seemed like a mountain to climb and my progress was slow. I made my way along the road back to Astcote but as I approached a hedgerow along the front of some house's garden I felt I needed support and reached out to hold a post in the hedge.
That's when I felt feint, things went swimmy and that was it. The next thing I was dreaming about having fallen down and hurt myself. I woke up and realised that it hadn't been a dream - or maybe it had been but it was true. I was face down, sprawled on some gravel on the path. I swore. I was really annoyed with myself. I got up and had bad cuts on the back of my hand and a worse cut to my chin which was bleeding quite a lot. I did my best to cover the cut with my handkerchief and started to make my way home. I was glad that no-one was around as I must ahve looked terrible as if I'd been in a fight or something like that.
The one thing I do remember, though, is feeling remarkably better than I had been before. My energy had returned and I didn't feel tired. I did, though, feel a bit scared and my mind was racing as to what might have befallen me. I realised that I must have feinted, blacked out. I didn't know how long that had been for, though, and that also worried me.
I was very relieved to get home and went straight indoors and upstairs to examine the cuts and see what else had happened to my face. The cut to my lip and chin was quite bad and I had to remove gravel chips and slowly clean it all. the bleeding slowed and I also cleaned my hand which was badly cut too. The blood had ruined a shirt but luckily my camel coat had not been marked. I had also fallen on to my camera which had also survived more or less unmarked and everything still worked. That was another relief! I was also able to calculate, by looking at the times of some photos that I had taken on the walk, and estimating how long the walk would usually take and seeing the time then, just how long I had lain on the path. It must have been a very short time, maybe only seconds or a minute or so.
I think this happened on a Saturday and it was Monday when I saw the doctor. I thought I had better, even though I felt fine now. Her reaction was pretty dramatic and she immediately wired me up and did a whole load of tests. I was worried for a moment that she was going to send me off to hospital there and then! Luckily she didn't. My blood pressure was high so she gave me some tablets for that but said I would have to come back and get some things checked out. I didn't like to admit it at the time and used a lot of alternative expressions but the truth is that my heart must have stopped. Fortunately, the fall and bashing my chin on the pavement started the heart beating again although I have never understood why I felt so much better afterwards. Maybe there was a blockage that got shifted when I fell.
My appearance now meant that teaching was not going to happen for a while. Adrienne was disappointed, as I had gone down well at the two better schools, and she did try to say that I shouldn't worry about my appearance. However, I hadn't told her everything so she never really appreciated how bad I had been.
My main concern now was the Prague trip. I really did want to go still. If I didn't then I would lose a lot of money and Tanya would be disappointed at not getting a holiday. I had to tell her a bit about what had happened but the fact that I was almost entirely normal, apart from some marks on my face and hands which would repair, meant that the trip was never in question. I was worried, though, that the doctor would ban me from travelling or send me off to hospital before I went and then I might be stuck there and unable to get away. So I decided to play it very quietly, not contacting the surgery to arrange a new appointment and I might even have not taken a call had one come through. What I didn't know I needn't worry about. I had the tablets so they should keep me going and if my blood pressure stayed in check I would be OK, I hoped.
In the back of my mind, though, I had to wonder what it had been that had caused the problem. Was there a clot that was running around in my bloodstream that might block an artery again at some unknown time? That was a bit scary. Was there a problem with my heart? Some interruption due to stress or something that might recur? Scary again as, yes, stress would be evident on a trip to Prague to meet a girlfriend!
The days ticked by and I prepared for my trip. I did realise that was a significant chance that I might die either on the way to the airport, in Prague or wherever and so I prepared a detailed note for Katie and Kyran just in case. My main concern was that Tanya would be helped as she would arrive and not understand why I was not there. She would also need support to get home again. Obviously a greater concern would be my children but there would be time for them to sort out everything. Tanya's predicament would be the more immediate and no-one would know who she was otherwise.
As it happened my trip to Prague went well. It was chilly but mostly sunny and I had the warmest of welcomes from Tanya when she arrived at the hotel. The room was a bit disappointing. Very big but the floor was hard and there was nowhere other than the bed and one small desk chair to sit. So it wasn't a place we could comfortably spend a lot of time other than at night, of course. That meant we had to go out and there wasn't any restaurant facility there either which meant we had to go out out, I mean outside. That meant dressing up, coats and so on and, whilst we did enjoy the places we went, there was a lot more walking than I had hoped! I managed, however, and there were no health problems for the four or five day break.
While I was there I got a call on my mobile from the surgery! I did answer that one and explained where I was and agreed to go back to see the doctor as soon as I got back. They were a little surprised but there wasn't a great deal they could do with me far away!
We enjoyed each other's company but did argue about Russia and Ukraine. She was quite annoyed at my criticism of her country and that seemed to me a bit of a warning flag. It was fairly clear at that point that, however well we got on in many ways, we were probably not going to become a couple on any permanent relationship basis. If we could meet each other in places where we could each get to easily then that would be nice and I would like to do that as often as feasible but anything more seemed now to be unlikely.
I did experience one more excessive instance of tiredness on my return to England. At Stanstead I had used the valet car parking in order to make it easier to get to and from my car. However, the walk from the plane to the place where I collected my keys was very long. My case did not have wheels so I had to carry it and that was not pleasant for so far. I made the key collection point but then had quite a distance to walk to the car itself. Wow, that was not easy. It wasn't the same feelings as I had had on the walk but it was a distinct reminder that all was not well. I remember clambering in to the driving seat and being just so relieved to be seated. The Jaguar that I had then was so lovely. very comfortable and it more or less drove itself back home.
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